there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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