If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
