My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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