So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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