You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
