i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize