I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
