Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
