I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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