Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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