Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
