my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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