I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
