beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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