we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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