My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
