Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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