hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize