Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
