just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
