he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
