I cut my penus on the lid.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
