Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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