Jerry, you need to find god
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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