So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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