you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
