I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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