Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize