Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
