felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
