bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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