I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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