Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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