if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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