okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had to cum in my sink.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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