I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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