No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
