My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize