If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
