dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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