Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
