Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please don't give away my fajitas
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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