She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your cock deserves a montage
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
