Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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