She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
