I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
