Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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