if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
youre lurking in front of me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
