just survived the first fart of the relationship.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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