this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
