someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
