Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
