the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are two peas in an std pod
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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