I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's the barista slut.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
