she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
