Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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