I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
