Can Purell be used as lube?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
