I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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