I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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