The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
