If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
