We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i've created a new STD.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
