you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
