someone threw a dead crab at me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
