the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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