This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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