New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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