3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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