Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
