this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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