Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
