dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
