i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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