I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
