she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
