Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
