this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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