my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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