The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
