if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
