I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
my liver is dry heaving
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
