Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What changed your mind?
Being sober
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize