Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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