Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
