glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
