First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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