saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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