Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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