she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
